Yearn

I've tried writing a few blog entries, but then I think that no one would care to read them so I just hit delete. (Not that anyone will really care to read this one either!) :)

Since Jared's knee surgery I have been e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. I haven't slept well, I've been overly emotional, and not I haven't pleasant to be around. Part of it was Jared's knee surgery and part of it was that I have not spent a single moment with the Lord in a looong time. I've been trying to conquer so many things in my own strength and completely fail every time. 

Tonight I had some time to myself to think about the trials that I know are coming and how I need to handle them. I realized tonight that I'm going about all of this the wrong way. I'm trying to fix all of this and I cannot do it. I'm not relying on the Lord to sustain me, give me strength, and I'm not trusting God to take care of me. 

There are some big things coming my way starting tomorrow and I've got to give it all over to the Lord. I don't need to give it over because I want these things to have a good outcome, but because these situations are not mine to control, they are His. 

I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord allows us to cast our cares on Him. Honestly, I'm on overload right now. Without the Lord's help I cannot shoulder one more thing. I realize how much Jesus cares for us and wants us to come to Him. 

I want to yearn after the Lord. I want to fully realize that my next breath is fully dependent upon his sovereignty. I want to just throw up my hands and shout to the Lord that I cannot do this without Him, and I'm tried of trying to. 

There's a little insight into what's stirring in my soul.