What the hell are we doing?

That's what I say to myself. 


I'm sitting inside my warm & cozy living room while watching the rain fall outside. I have food in my stomach, a roof over my head, money to pay the bills, music that fills my ears, but when I wake up tomorrow all of this could be gone. 


Haitians are said gross 1,300 per year. 80% percent of Haitians are below the poverty line which means they don't make 1,300 PER YEAR. One thousand and three hundred dollars. That's less than half of Jared's paycheck every two weeks. We get by off that & more every 2 weeks and Haitians typically earn that in one year. I cannot imagine it. 


Jared & I have been talking a lot about Haiti. We've seen the horrific photos, videos, and heard some of the most gut-wrenching stories. It brings us to tears more times than not to hear people talk about what's going on in Haiti. They survive on what we could call "nothing". I think about all the things that I have that I think I couldn't survive without (i.e. cell phone, laptop, music, food every day, clean water every day, bathroom facility etc.) and it makes me furious that I have become so accustom to living life this way. Don't get me wrong- I know I am very blessed and God has blessed us with the means to live this life that we do. I am very thankful, but I also take it all for granted. I take it ALL for granted. 


Life is not about having all of these "things"! (Here comes the rant...)  


People are dying and we are saying we need more material things.


(I'm not saying material things are bad, but they are not the substance of life.) 


I feel so angered because of where money is being spent. Where my money is being spent, where the government's money (America's money) is being spent, and where the church's money is being spent. A church that Jared & I have debating fully joining is now building an expensive cat walk from their parking garage to their church. God forbid the church goers get wet while walking into the church. People are hiding underground to attend church in some countries, but in America we build cat walks. In America we are fed this health, wealth and prosperity gospel that tells us that if we believe their message that God will "richly bless our lives". What about taking all that money for the cat walk and putting it into counties like Haiti, Africa, China- the places that really need it and help them build up their churches and send others out to do the same. What if the health, wealth, and prosperity thieves preachers actually put ALL the money they receive into other people's pockets instead of their own. What if all the money that was coming in to Christian churches and ministries went to help those in need. I know that churches and ministries have to pay bills too. The money that is left over needs to be sent out. It needs to go toward helping those in need. 


Look at where your money is going. Are you tithing so that your church is able to send people out to spread the gospel? Are you spending your money on crap that you don't need? I know I have. Just think about what you're doing and how you could impact someone else's life by the means which God has given you instead of your own frivolous gain. 


Rant is over. I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. 

Yearn

I've tried writing a few blog entries, but then I think that no one would care to read them so I just hit delete. (Not that anyone will really care to read this one either!) :)

Since Jared's knee surgery I have been e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. I haven't slept well, I've been overly emotional, and not I haven't pleasant to be around. Part of it was Jared's knee surgery and part of it was that I have not spent a single moment with the Lord in a looong time. I've been trying to conquer so many things in my own strength and completely fail every time. 

Tonight I had some time to myself to think about the trials that I know are coming and how I need to handle them. I realized tonight that I'm going about all of this the wrong way. I'm trying to fix all of this and I cannot do it. I'm not relying on the Lord to sustain me, give me strength, and I'm not trusting God to take care of me. 

There are some big things coming my way starting tomorrow and I've got to give it all over to the Lord. I don't need to give it over because I want these things to have a good outcome, but because these situations are not mine to control, they are His. 

I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord allows us to cast our cares on Him. Honestly, I'm on overload right now. Without the Lord's help I cannot shoulder one more thing. I realize how much Jesus cares for us and wants us to come to Him. 

I want to yearn after the Lord. I want to fully realize that my next breath is fully dependent upon his sovereignty. I want to just throw up my hands and shout to the Lord that I cannot do this without Him, and I'm tried of trying to. 

There's a little insight into what's stirring in my soul. 

Hello TwentyTen!

I cannot believe it's 2010. It's been 10 years since Y2K... that's crazy! 


Our 2009 year was a roller coaster. Jared & I celebrated the '09 countdown in Downtown then flew out the next morning for a long weekend in Southern California! We had an amazing time and also it was the first time in our marriage that we had to love each other through a difficult circumstance. God has been faithful to grow us a lot since that time. This year to ring in the New Year we made dinner at home and stayed up way too late talking about everything that we wanted for the coming year and just laughing over everything! ...Jared broke our fireplace and that was hilarious. (One of the main things that kept us laughing all night!) 


We always heard the first year of marriage was trying and difficult. For us though, it was really just the first few months. Don't get me wrong, we had many ups and downs, but they never lasted long. I am very grateful that God allowed us to struggle together and learn from it and grow closer together. 


Jared & I normally don't make New Years resolutions, but this year we did. Normally we make fun those people who make resolutions. Sorry, we used to think it was a goofy idea. Our goals for this year are.... 

• Get completely out of debt! We've set up our budget for the year (assuming jobs stay the same) and we are so excited! Thanks to Dartmouth we've got a lot of debt to knock out this year, but we can do it! 
• Both of our personal goals is to eat healthier, work out more, and get in better shape. Since Jared's knee is blow out he'll have a long road of recovery ahead of him once he has surgery, but we're confident that he can do it. 
• I really want to get into the habit of having a daily quite time. I want to really understand the Bible better, and really dig into who God is. I want the Lord to make my heart more like his. 

We've got a lot ahead of us. It's not going to be easy and we're going to have to make a lot of sacrifices, but I cannot imagine the feeling of victory once the year is over and we've completed our goals.