What the hell are we doing?

That's what I say to myself. 


I'm sitting inside my warm & cozy living room while watching the rain fall outside. I have food in my stomach, a roof over my head, money to pay the bills, music that fills my ears, but when I wake up tomorrow all of this could be gone. 


Haitians are said gross 1,300 per year. 80% percent of Haitians are below the poverty line which means they don't make 1,300 PER YEAR. One thousand and three hundred dollars. That's less than half of Jared's paycheck every two weeks. We get by off that & more every 2 weeks and Haitians typically earn that in one year. I cannot imagine it. 


Jared & I have been talking a lot about Haiti. We've seen the horrific photos, videos, and heard some of the most gut-wrenching stories. It brings us to tears more times than not to hear people talk about what's going on in Haiti. They survive on what we could call "nothing". I think about all the things that I have that I think I couldn't survive without (i.e. cell phone, laptop, music, food every day, clean water every day, bathroom facility etc.) and it makes me furious that I have become so accustom to living life this way. Don't get me wrong- I know I am very blessed and God has blessed us with the means to live this life that we do. I am very thankful, but I also take it all for granted. I take it ALL for granted. 


Life is not about having all of these "things"! (Here comes the rant...)  


People are dying and we are saying we need more material things.


(I'm not saying material things are bad, but they are not the substance of life.) 


I feel so angered because of where money is being spent. Where my money is being spent, where the government's money (America's money) is being spent, and where the church's money is being spent. A church that Jared & I have debating fully joining is now building an expensive cat walk from their parking garage to their church. God forbid the church goers get wet while walking into the church. People are hiding underground to attend church in some countries, but in America we build cat walks. In America we are fed this health, wealth and prosperity gospel that tells us that if we believe their message that God will "richly bless our lives". What about taking all that money for the cat walk and putting it into counties like Haiti, Africa, China- the places that really need it and help them build up their churches and send others out to do the same. What if the health, wealth, and prosperity thieves preachers actually put ALL the money they receive into other people's pockets instead of their own. What if all the money that was coming in to Christian churches and ministries went to help those in need. I know that churches and ministries have to pay bills too. The money that is left over needs to be sent out. It needs to go toward helping those in need. 


Look at where your money is going. Are you tithing so that your church is able to send people out to spread the gospel? Are you spending your money on crap that you don't need? I know I have. Just think about what you're doing and how you could impact someone else's life by the means which God has given you instead of your own frivolous gain. 


Rant is over. I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. 

Yearn

I've tried writing a few blog entries, but then I think that no one would care to read them so I just hit delete. (Not that anyone will really care to read this one either!) :)

Since Jared's knee surgery I have been e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. I haven't slept well, I've been overly emotional, and not I haven't pleasant to be around. Part of it was Jared's knee surgery and part of it was that I have not spent a single moment with the Lord in a looong time. I've been trying to conquer so many things in my own strength and completely fail every time. 

Tonight I had some time to myself to think about the trials that I know are coming and how I need to handle them. I realized tonight that I'm going about all of this the wrong way. I'm trying to fix all of this and I cannot do it. I'm not relying on the Lord to sustain me, give me strength, and I'm not trusting God to take care of me. 

There are some big things coming my way starting tomorrow and I've got to give it all over to the Lord. I don't need to give it over because I want these things to have a good outcome, but because these situations are not mine to control, they are His. 

I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord allows us to cast our cares on Him. Honestly, I'm on overload right now. Without the Lord's help I cannot shoulder one more thing. I realize how much Jesus cares for us and wants us to come to Him. 

I want to yearn after the Lord. I want to fully realize that my next breath is fully dependent upon his sovereignty. I want to just throw up my hands and shout to the Lord that I cannot do this without Him, and I'm tried of trying to. 

There's a little insight into what's stirring in my soul. 

Hello TwentyTen!

I cannot believe it's 2010. It's been 10 years since Y2K... that's crazy! 


Our 2009 year was a roller coaster. Jared & I celebrated the '09 countdown in Downtown then flew out the next morning for a long weekend in Southern California! We had an amazing time and also it was the first time in our marriage that we had to love each other through a difficult circumstance. God has been faithful to grow us a lot since that time. This year to ring in the New Year we made dinner at home and stayed up way too late talking about everything that we wanted for the coming year and just laughing over everything! ...Jared broke our fireplace and that was hilarious. (One of the main things that kept us laughing all night!) 


We always heard the first year of marriage was trying and difficult. For us though, it was really just the first few months. Don't get me wrong, we had many ups and downs, but they never lasted long. I am very grateful that God allowed us to struggle together and learn from it and grow closer together. 


Jared & I normally don't make New Years resolutions, but this year we did. Normally we make fun those people who make resolutions. Sorry, we used to think it was a goofy idea. Our goals for this year are.... 

• Get completely out of debt! We've set up our budget for the year (assuming jobs stay the same) and we are so excited! Thanks to Dartmouth we've got a lot of debt to knock out this year, but we can do it! 
• Both of our personal goals is to eat healthier, work out more, and get in better shape. Since Jared's knee is blow out he'll have a long road of recovery ahead of him once he has surgery, but we're confident that he can do it. 
• I really want to get into the habit of having a daily quite time. I want to really understand the Bible better, and really dig into who God is. I want the Lord to make my heart more like his. 

We've got a lot ahead of us. It's not going to be easy and we're going to have to make a lot of sacrifices, but I cannot imagine the feeling of victory once the year is over and we've completed our goals. 

Barf Songs

Nearly everyone I know as a million Christmas songs that are their favorites. I have just one. One song and that's the only one I like to hear during Christmas time. It's December 9th and I'm already growing tired of the Christmas songs. I tried to force myself to like them by downloading a lot them, and I like them, but I'm already tired of them.

Here's my favorite songs right now with my one Christmas song:

1) Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2) Bad Romance -Lady Gaga (don't judge me. It's a good song.)
3) Heartless -The Fray
4) Ghosts -Laura Marling
5) I Gave You All -Mumford & Sons
6) Awake My Soul -Mumford & Sons
7) Pistol -Dustin Kensure
8) Jesus, Saviour Pilot Me -Robby Seay Band
9) You Hold Me Now -Hillsong
And my favorite Christmas song of all time...
10) Hard Candy Christmas -Dolly Parton

Almost all of those songs are pretty chill. They're mellow and full of hearty lyrics except for the Lady Gaga one which is really upbeat and fun. I love them. I used to get in this mood in the Spring, but I think it's gone backwards and now it's my mood for Winter. It's like this looking-out-of-my-window-and-daydreaming-all-the-time, kind of mood. Nothing is wrong. I just feel like being mellow.

And you may be wondering why in the word is "Hardy Candy Christmas" her favorite Christmas song? I'll tell you why- Because a few Christmases ago it was a very hard season for me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I came across that song by accident and it described everything that I feeling in those months. It said everything that I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words. It's a sappy song, no doubt, but I can't help but sing right along with Dolly when I hear it. I used that song as a reminder of how far I've come and the places that I never want to revisit. Those indescribable feelings have long since passed, and sometimes I put on that song to laugh at myself for being so foolish. I think it's so important to laugh at yourself.
So there you have it.

Cheers.

It's Official!

I can finally say something now! I hate having to keep my mouth shut about things I'm really excited about. No, it has absolutely nothing to do with a baby or a puppy. Although, I would love either! I'm probably better suited to be a puppy's mother right now than a baby's mother.

The big news...

I'm going to repaint! Am I crazy? I wanted to wait until I got the ok from Jared until I broadcasted it. It won't happen for a little bit, but it is going to happen and I could not be more thrilled. I just cannot stand the paint colors we chose. It's unfortunate that I make impulsive decisions. Now, I know what I want. I couldn't put my finger on what exact decorating style I wanted, but now after spending countless hours researching different things I finally know what I like and don't like. It's a hard, ok! And I know that your house is your calling card so that puts a lot of pressure on a person who does not like pressure or expectations!

The three lucky rooms that are getting the makeover are:

The kitchen

The open cabinets are staying. The biggest change in here is going to be the color and walls. The color is a golden squash color, but it will soon be a different color. (I haven't decided on the color yet.) Second change in the kitchen is going to be the paneling on the walls. I'm going to cover over the paneling so it's a flat wall then I'm going to take beadboard and put in on the bottom half of the walls and maybe the lower cabinet doors. And hopefully I'll think of more ideas while I'm in the process.

Now onto the TV Room

The biggest change in this room is going to be the color. I'm planning on using variations of the same color in all the rooms I'm changing. This gray completely clashes with the golden squash in the kitchen and the rooms are right next to each other so it's very noticeable. I'm debating on whether or not to paint the brick around the fireplace. I'd like to do a warm funky color, but I'm not sure yet. I'm so happy to get rid of this gray in here! (This gray is the same in Jared's office, but he likes it so we'll keep it in the office.)

And lastly, our bedroom

The bedroom is also going to get beadboard on the bottom half of the walls. It will be painted a different color as well. The bedroom suite is really nice and real oak, but I may get rid of it. It just looks so heavy, but I am going to see if I can do something with it. It's a king size bed frame and we have a queen size bed so that's why it's sitting on the floor and why it looks awkward. The floors are stained concrete. We'd like to get real wood floors in there, but it will be awhile before that happens. I've been looking for a new bedspread since we're borrowing the one we have!

So there you have it! It will probably be after the New Year until I can start these projects, but I am just so so excited! I hate that we wasted hundreds of dollars on paint and that I'm going to have 30+ people over here on Saturday to show the house for the housewarming party and then make so many changes.
C'est la vie!

Jared's been asking me what I wanted for Christmas and this is what I told him I wanted. I never thought I'd ask for paint & beadboard for Christmas! :)

Cheers.

Turkey-less Thanksgiving

2 posts in one night? My heart is heavy, I cannot sleep and I just feel blah. And Jared has already gone to bed so I'm in no rush to get in bed.

Thanksgiving... oh Thanksgiving, you are a great holiday. Thanksgiving is probably a bigger favorite of mine than Christmas. This year was our first Thanksgiving with our families. Last year we were on our Honeymoon. I was determined to see both sides of our families for Thanksgiving. I don't like to split up holidays. So we started out in Saginaw with my Dad then drove to Denton to see my Mom and then finally we made our way to Aledo to see Jared's parents. I planned out the time perfectly so that each parent(s) would get the same amount of time with us. We ate THREE TIMES that day... I don't mean like we just nibbled here and there -we ate three full meals, but good thing that Jared & I like to eat! :) I ate everything, but Turkey. I went the entire day without eating a single piece of Turkey. Lately, I've become more and more of a no-meat-eater. It's not that I think it's wrong, I just think it's gross. Ever since Jared & I got married I cannot stand the sight of meat, especially raw meat. It's mostly chicken, pork and turkey- I can stomach fish easily and beef is becoming easier. Now, this would not be a problem if I hadn't married who I married. Jared is a meat kind of guy. He doesn't do salads for dinner. So I haven't been making dinner lately. I just can't stand the sight of it and my gag reflex is super sensitive. I'll try to eat chicken and I'll start gagging. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's the way it is.

So all that to say I ate everything else but meat on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was really sweet this year. I have so many things to be thankful for and I just feel so overwhelmed. God is so good and His love never fails.

This post is kind of scrambled, but it's past midnight and I started feeling tired once I started blogging.

Cheers.

Call to Prayer

Matt Chandler, Pastor of The Village Church in Texas has a tumor on his frontal lobe.

Here is what was written on the Facebook page:

Matt will undergo surgery Friday afternoon

Pastor Matt Chandler will have surgery Friday afternoon to remove a tumor located in the frontal lobe of his brain. The surgery will be performed by Dr. David Barnett.

Dr. Barnett told Matt that he was positive about recovery but won’t know the full results until the surgery is performed. The doctor was uncertain about the malignancy of the tumor, and a biopsy will be performed as part of the surgery.

The outpouring of support and prayers from all over the world has been overwhelming to Matt and Lauren. Continue to pray and fast on behalf of the family. The church’s monthly prayer service will be Wednesday at 7 p.m. at the Highland Village, Denton and Dallas Northway worship centers. We encourage you to fast throughout that day and join us to pray that evening. If you cannot join us, pray wherever you are.

We continue to rest in the knowledge that Matt is in the sovereign hand of our heavenly Father who loves him immensely more than we can comprehend, and He alone understands the reasons for this trial. Along with your prayers, continue to give Matt and Lauren and their family time and space for their continued rest.


I think I may have met Matt once. I feel like I've known him for years. He's just that kind of guy. Real, genuine, honest, loving, to the point, hilarious, but most importantly he is a servant of our Gracious Savior. I  know that we serve a great God who is capable of miraculous miracles. I ask that you join me and literally hundreds of others in prayer for Matt & his family. 

1. Jesus, Savior, pilot me,
   Over life’s tempestuous sea;
   Unknown waves before me roll,
   Hiding rock and treach’rous shoal;
   Chart and compass came from Thee:
   Jesus, Savior, pilot me.
2. As a mother stills her child,
   Thou canst hush the ocean wild;
   Boist’rous waves obey Thy will
   When Thou say’st to them, “Be still!”
   Wondrous Sov’reign of the sea,
   Jesus, Savior, pilot me.
3. When at last I near the shore,
   And the fearful breakers roar
   ’Twixt me and the peaceful rest,
   Then, while leaning on Thy breast,
   May I hear Thee say to me,
   “Fear not, I will pilot thee.”

To check for updates on Matt Chandler you can go to: 

Matt's Twitter

The Village's Twitter

The Village Church